On We Go
Hello again,
This week I've been thinking about healing. On Saturday, tendonitis in my knee flared up and it's taking longer than I want (or expect, or think it should) to feel fine again. What usually takes a day or so of rest to go away is coming up on a week and lemme tell you, I'm getting in my head about it. You'd think that by now I'd be used to this WHOLE SITUATION getting in the way of plans...and yet...and yet...our brains are pretty good at messing with us. The familiar feelings arise. I am falling behind.
Instead of acknowledging that all of the internal and external stress is getting in the way of my healing, I get frustrated at myself. We are tired. We are playing out terrifying scenarios out in our heads about our loved ones, our work, ourselves. Some of these are playing out in real life, too. We can't will our healing into speeding up while the tearing, and breaking, and straining is still happening.
A year ago, I fractured a bone in my shoulder doing an unexpected, unplanned (to me) snowmobile stunt. When I finally went and got it checked out, the doctor told me that (at my age...😑) it would take me a year to completely heal. A whole year. I deeply resented that timeline.
Beyond being injury prone, I push. I let my pushing brain overpower my logical brain. With my shoulder, I obsessed over getting back to "normal" so much that I didn't even notice the day that it stopped hurting to get dressed. It's been 13 months since the accident. It still acts up occasionally; in some way, it probably always will.
The process of healing is frustrating. It is also pretty f-ing spectacular. Healing is a test of patience and it's a daily miracle. Without even doing anything other than letting time do it's thing, we mend.
It's another reminder — because we all need 'em — that there is no finish line to get to here. The end is a mirage. We don't bounce back, we rebound somewhere new. My shoulder has been added to my list of body idiosyncracies. I recommend keeping a list of the results of your life on your physical being and just choose to accept everything on it. Bum knees and all.
We are strong and imperfect. When we least expect it — or want it — our bodies, our lives, the world will sideline us. And then, it will change again. The rebound will not be back to the start. And as I've been saying to myself every day, on we go.
So we take what sucks and we look at the small ways in which it doesn't. I walk slowly instead of run. I settle into my new home instead of exploring. As my colleague Lee Anne said to me, "well at least I get to wear slippers for the start of yoga class when my feet are still cold." The rebound never goes where you expect it to and in this time, how do we catch ourselves when we're pushing the timeline?
And a final thought, we heal by finding the places our support is most needed and we give our healing out. I keep coming back to my Is This Working? conversation with Cherae Robinson, founder of Tastemakers Africa. Cherae is a solo founder entrepreneur, a solo parent, and a black woman who successfully raised the first round of investment for her travel company last fall (women of color get less than 1% of total funding). To say COVID-19 shook up her plans is an understatement. To say she doesn't know where the rebound will go is another one. But she took a breath, stayed measured, and found her place to start.
In our conversation, she talked about her decision to just "be quiet" at the start of the shelter in place and abrupt halt to travel. Instead of pushing into emailing and marketing and yelling into inboxes that yes, this is happening to us over here too, she turned her focus to supporting her community of makers and hosts in Africa.* She thought about her mission and how to continue with the heart of the work, even when the work looks different. Instead of rushing into healing her business, she thought about who she could help to heal first. Her perspective is one I know we can all use and I have all the confidence in the world that she'll be ready for whatever the rebound looks like. Enjoy the talk with Cherae (she's also hilarious).
I have lots of hope for all of us. Be gentle with your bodies and your hearts.
I hope to see you soon.
xo,
Molly
* To support Tastemakers Africa (and Cherae, who is truly the best), follow them on instagram and watch for news about The Thread, their series of conversations to share stories, discuss the issues facing our folks in this time, and bring new ways of collaborating within reach. Also, she's a DJ and you know you need these playlists.
Permission Granted
Listen, if you've ever been curious about a period cup (and you should be!) there has *literally* never been a better time to try. You know I'm not out here touting those ~productivity during pandemic~ vibes, but this is a small accomplishment you can handle. Here is why. First, there is a learning curve so it's ideal to figure out at home in your own bathroom. Second, you know you don't want to have to run to a pharmacy right now. Third, it will save you money very quickly. Buying tampons sucks and we all know it. Fourth, get to know your body, girl. Switching to a cup was one of the most personally liberating things I've done and I truly don't say that lightly. Wow, that got long. There are lots of cups out there, so do you, but here's an offer for a good one from a woman-founded, woman-run, company we love: Cora is giving us 30% off. Use the code assemblyxcoracup at checkout (offer expires Sunday 4/13).
On a different note, go back and listen all the way through an album you used to love. See how many of the words you remember. Yesterday I pulled up Transatlantacism and was transported back to college, emo lyrics and all.
Streaming: Mrs. Fletcher because Katheryn Hahn is a treasure
Looking forward to streaming: the original stage version of Fleabag (available on Amazon starting tomorrow for two weeks only)
Reading: Nobody Will Tell You This But Me by Bess Kalb*
Looking forward to reading: Afterlife by Julia Alvarez
Listening: Sugar Calling the new Cheryl Strayed podcast from the NY Times. The George Saunders episode was pretty soothing.
Cooking: just pulled the trigger and bought an Instant Pot. First I made...rice (to go with pre-made food I got from the v cute Queens Superette in SF). Send me recipes!
Drinking: Woods Beer & Wine (local Bay Area) is doing same-day delivery. I picked up the Pet Nat and their funky skin contact Sauvignon Blanc. Also, former Assembly member-owned Decant — throw some cheese in the cart and call it a fancy night in!
Buying: Nothing exciting to report here other than, like, trash cans...though will be re-upping on Parade undewear.
*These links are Amazon for the kindle readers, but check IndieBound for local bookstores (that ship).