Little Jolts ⚡️⚡️
Hey There,
Happy 2020 to you! I hope that you found some moments of calm and solitude over the past few weeks. I also hope you found moments of raucous joy and indulgence. I know I am thankful for 10 days of nonstop activity followed by one weekend of quiet, much of which I spent completely alone: on trails, reading, watching shows, straight chilling (thanks dosist dose dial).
This week, I was having dinner with a friend and, as most conversations in January do, talk turned towards ways to be more virtuous to ourselves and others. She has been thinking about the role behaviors play in your current and future cognitive abilities, putting a lot of pressure on herself to exercise more consistently, eat a diet designed for longevity, avoid inflammatory foods. In the same way, I was discussing all the ways that I can be the kind of leader that I want to be, putting pressure on myself to be less reactive, speak with clarity, stop comparing myself to others.
Our lists of personal reflections aren't resolutions, per se, because we are "not resolution people" but also, aren't they? It may be passé, but I admit that I do take into account the little jolt of energy that the new year brings. It is a chance to bring attention to what feels good and potentially dip a toe into saying goodbye to things that don't.
With my friend, each of us took on the role of encouraging and reassuring the other — being the voice of reason it is so challenging to be for ourselves. While self-compassion is the goal, finding compassion from others is also a good place to start. We can remind each other that we are human, that life, success, and health are nonlinear. We can reiterate that the stories we tell ourselves about other people are unhelpful and untrue.
But just as importantly, we can help each other.
Changing actions solely to affect some long term future you (another year, another decade) doesn't take into account the unpredictability of life. Embracing the truth that none of us knows what is around the corner has allowed more space for optimism and joy to seep in. Yes, thinking more about death and sickness and the toughest shit has opened me up to joy. Last year was one of realization: in my life and all the lives around me, anything can happen. There is tragedy ahead; it's simply the truth. We can plan for the future, but we must help each other in the everyday. That's my brand of optimism.
Do something new because you want to do it. Do it because you know why you want it. Do it. Yes, do it. Do it knowing full well it might not work AND you might decide you hate it. Do it knowing that it will change. But do it because it makes you feel alive. Examine the why. Truly examine it. And then, listen to these little jolts. I know that I want to help you listen to yours. That electricity is contagious.
I can help you think about the things that make you feel damn good, and how to do them more often. You can help me think about all the wonderful things around me. (You, yes YOU, already do that simply by reading this, by showing up at The Assembly, by being a part of this community.)
We can do that for each other. Scratch that. We must do that for each other.
The feelings and actions that keep us going are best enjoyed together.
Some little jolts that are on my mind:
Create friction before reacting. This is an ongoing one and goes for both personal life and the larger world. Life interactions are hard. The actual news is horrifying. Assume the best intentions from the humans you interact with and take advantage of saving drafts and shoving your phone into a pocket when the flashing red lights of *react react react* are going off. As for the news, never forget that headlines are deliberately designed to cause visceral reactions. That is the flywheel that fuels the news media, the news media reaction cycle, and about 95% of my twitter feed. At least for me, keeping that in mind helps me breathe and try to find perspective. Create rituals of friction between what you are interacting with and the reaction you have.
Read slowwwwww. Instead of a number of books goal for the year, I want to focus on actually taking in the books I do read. I tend to try to read as quickly as possible and I recently stepped back to examine this. If I love reading (and I do) I should savor every word. So I want to take time to pause as I read. One thought is to find a passage I like and send it to someone from every book. Also, I'm pledging to buy smaller (wean myself off off Amazon) and use IndieBound more. My first purchases of 2020, after our book club book, are Such a Fun Age and pre-ordering Uncanny Valley.
Invite everyone along for the walk. I have never worn any sort of smartwatch or activity tracker, but I do check my iPhone's step count to see how I'm averaging monthly/annually. It's an inexact count, for sure, and I don't have my phone on me for most workouts, so I use it more as my gauge of how much time I'm spending outside. I averaged 10,100 steps/day for 2019 and I'd like to spend even more time outside in 2020. I don't have a goal number yet, just *more*. If you want to join me on this one, let me know! I'll set up a group of some kind 👯♀️.
Permission granted. When I started this newsletter, I didn't want it to be all about me. I have lots of pent up ideas to write about — and I will! — but I am dedicated to bringing more perspectives into here and growing this little seed into something more. I would love for your help with that when the time comes. Thank you already.
And finally, just for fun (and tbh, this is what I get requests for most of all) some things I've been loving. I've been living in this fleece. At the recommendation of my dentist I got this waterpik and let me tell you, it's fun. In an effort to use fewer paper towels, I tried the Swedish dishcloth thing and truly love it. Full endorsement.
This was a long one. Thanks for sticking with it! Take care of yourself. I hope to see you soon (maybe at our member open house or birthday party?? Check it out below.).
xo
Molly