Life Comes At You Fast
Hi,
There were more women on the big stage than ever before. It was unprecedented, historic. While there are still many women in the running for so many important offices around the country, mourning the end of that singular hope is real. They were big dreams and big swings. That is nothing short of incredible. The end sucks and it's okay to be knocked over by that.
I feel that same sense of sadness any time I read about a female CEO being ousted from her position or cut down by an article that all-too-often tells a tale of behavior that is rampant in traditional male-run industries, or "exposes" a business that isn't doing as well as instagram would make you think. Even if I don't agree with all their politics or all their strategies, even if the investors aren't going to get all their money back (10x! 100x!) and it's not a unicorn after all, it sucks. It is infuriating and deflating. When you realize that the person you held up on a pedestal might actually be doubting her own success somewhere out there, let that just be a reminder that success is not a prize to be won.
Without that realization, a twinge of heartbreak can easily shapeshift into self-doubt. And ignoring self-doubt certainly doesn't make it disappear. It will come back and unmoor you when you least expect it. The smallest waves can make us wobble when we aren't looking for them. That deep down sense of am I dreaming too big? Is my confidence foolish? will persist if we don't talk to each other about it.
It took me a long time to start to realize (and this is a work in progress) that there is no one thing that means success for me. It is not something I can win. It's a process of checking in with myself. How am I doing now? Am I ready for the next step? Am I ready to finish this part and move on to the next? We can't know what is coming around the corner, so if the wave comes are my feet on the ground today?
We teach children to control their emotions by warning them about upcoming transitions — five minutes until this, two more of that before the next activity. The end is coming, be prepared. We don't get that luxury as adults. As they say, life comes at you fast.
This week, month, year (lifetime?) is flush with uncertainty. The best we can all do is admit when things hit us hard and when we're feeling wobbly because of what we see, hear, experience, and internalize. Talk about it. Say it out loud so that it is real because I promise you that you are not alone in any of it. When the waves come, we keep our footing by knowing what the ground feels like.
In the face of unpredictibilty, I find it helpful to take control of something no matter how small. For me, it's trying to do more of what I love. For the past five years (maybe ten) I've talked about the nebulous goal of wanting to "write more." Having this newsletter outlet has been the most consistent thing I've put out into the world in over a decade. It's the most personal since my earliest blogging days in 2004. For the next two months, here's what I'm trying out. I will send this email out more, a lot more. Some of them will be purely editorial and some will be links of recommendations from myself (and others). I am committing to landing in your inbox — if you'll have me — multiple times a week.
I hear lots of requests for recommendations — what to read, what to try, what to buy. So expect more of that. I mean, just so you know what you're getting into, I did have a version of today's newsletter that discussed Love is Blind at length. There's no telling where this will go.
Until next time, let's help each other find the grounding we need when the uncertainty hits.
xo,
Molly
Permission Granted
I'll be spacing out my recommendations between emails (what fun!) but some stuff:
Since we last talked I ran two trail half marathons. It's a totally different experience than road racing and I cannot recommend it enough. Look one up, sign up, do it. If you're in the Bay Area, let's do one together.
Every night before bed, a few pages of The Untethered Soul. I often reread the chapter on death.
Alison Roman on the Second Life Podcast, because sometimes what sounds like a dream job just isn't a good fit and that's fine too!
Every single sentence from this interview with Samin Nosrat is a true gift to us all. Do not squander these gifts.
I am adult who is just starting to understand lip balm and it's a full yes on Kosasport LipFuel.
More soon. Thank you.